In My 20's...Pt. 13: "Inconsistentcy."

I'm inconsistent.
My first thought? SO WHAT?!
After really thinking about it....WHAT!?!?! is about all that I could come up with.
Let's list the Inconsistentcies, shall we?

• Keeping up with the books.


• Discipline.


• House.


• Phone Calls. (If you are one of those peeps waiting for my return call...I'm so sorry!)


• Weight Loss.

Yes, that last one is a BIG one. Trust me. My body is my biggest enemy, food is my biggest comfort. YUCK. I HATE it.

I know I should pay attention to more important aspects of my self-image, such as my intelligence, competence and compassion, but I just don't want to. I want to be skinny. I want to be what society labels as "pretty." I want to wear the cute dresses and not have to worry about bulges or large calves. I don't want to worry if my weight will break a damn heel. I want to be hot as hell because I AM hot as hell, not because my personality says I am!

Does that make me shallow??? I know it makes me a dreamer. I'm nearing 30 with every breath and still struggling with this weight loss. Did I mention I lost 65 lbs at the beginning of this year? And I was HOT. Man, I was nearly at my goal. Friggin life. I have a garage full of work out equipment. And a blog that I avoided because I couldn't admit to it how inconsistent I had become.

But that's okay because I'm still young enough to blame that on being wet behind the ears. I wish I was still young enough to crawl under the bed and hide from it...