All I got for Christmas is...

I am soooo excited! My girls look AWESOME in this car!! Woot woot! Yay! It has a 3rd seat and all these kick booty features. Paid.For. Yay for me & Garland working as a team to double team that Salesman! Woot Woot!

Someone was listening all along...

Ever since I got them, I have done nothing but battle with them. I tried to hide them, for their appearance on my body made me extremely self-conscious and damaged my self-esteem at a very young age. I have wished them gone, prayed that they would reduce in size, even flirted with the idea that maybe one day, they would just disappear. But they did not. Alas, every morning I am confronted with the confounded dilemma of what can I wear today to cover them up? Minimize the sight of them. Pretend they don't exist. Hide them from the world.

Yes, I am talking about my breasts. These huge masses that will turn a corner before I ever make it TO the corner have been a consistent deterrent in purchasing bras, lingerie, shirts, camisoles, and dresses. They were-and essentially still are-an embarassment to me. People gawk. Stare. Ask me if they're real. Tumors (yes, this I get quite often). When I was 10 years old I had a boy on the bus tell me he hated me so much and I was so ugly he was going to cut them off. I remember crying the whole way home. I didn't understand back then that he didn't really know what he was talking about. I mean, we were 10, who understood anything at 10?!? In high school, I was a t-shirt & jeans girl. I never wore anything cute. I never wore anything revealing. I always wore sweatshirts or heavy sweaters, etc.

Tonight has changed everything I ever thought about my breasts. Whereas everytime I shopped for bras, I would leave with tears of frustration, tonight I left nearly in tears of joy (no pun intended ha!). I never ever thought I'd see the day where I could walk into a store and a woman didn't look at me like I'd grown 3 extra heads right in front of her when I asked if they carried my size. I never thought I could step into a store and have beautiful, pretty, eye catching bras that were cute & crazy and they would FIT me. I'd tried The Bust Stop before but they were wallet-breaking and didn't hold up near enough, the stitching falling apart within a few weeks. Not to mention for larger-sized ladies, they didn't have a very good selection of cute & feminine styled bras. For less than the price of ONE bra from The Bust Stop, I was able to purchase 2 bras from this wonderful new store in town!

All my prayers in finding a bra with support, style, lift, & comfort were answered when a friend of mine told me about Cacique earlier last week. I was nervous about going in there. And I had to keep reminding myself that this friend was considerably larger than I am & her own chest at least double what I am and if she could walk in this store and find something that fit her, there was hope for me after all. And there was! Normally, I would be in a store for HOURS and walk out with nothing! Tonight, I was in and out with 2 bras that made me feel SO good about my reflection in the mirror---in 15 minutes! 15 minutes people! And she didn't look at me like I'd lost my mind when I told her my bra size. As a matter of fact, when she re-measured me, I actually was able to go up one band size and dropped 3 cup sizes. I am now proudly a size "G" (yes, gasp!) whereas I was previously a size "Double I" Yes. TMI. Right now, I don't care! Because somewhere, someone realized a need. Somewhere, someone said we need to offer more. Somewhere, someone was listening all along. Thank you Lane Bryant...you give countless women the ability to look nice in clothes designed for them. You gave me Cacique!

Like-Fire.

So I'm not getting my sister's Durango. Boo. But she still wants us to come for Christmas. So on the car search front again...=( Or get car fixed front. Boo!

Ready.For.Grey's. But there's a slight discomfort in the knowledge that if anyone walks in on Izzy having sex with a Ghost, she's just going to look like some over-masturbatory freak. Seriously, the riding scenes alone?? Ummm thanks, Shonda for the visual, but this storyline is going NO.WHERE. I actually LOVE Dr. Dixon and hope she is a regular on the show. I enjoy differently abled persons. Asperger's Syndrome can shadow the depth of a person's intelligence in much the same fashion as Autism does. I'm glad they have her on there. Hopefully, they'll follow suit by ditching Denny...I mean I loooooooooove Denny but if you didn't want to get rid of the character then DON'T.KILL.HIM.OFF!

In other news:
I thought no one was reading. I thought I was boring. Turns out, I'm not boring, I'm just a big honking D.O.R.K. Seriously, who puts comments on "embedded" at the end of their profile?Thank you Blaze for helping me out to figure out why I wasn't getting comments. Trust me, I feel much better knowing that I'm just a dork and not boring! Hahaha!

I think I want Plastic Surgery...

For the record, let me start off with the statement that I have never been nor am I currently a vain person. As a matter of fact, I have off and on dealt with my fair share of self esteem issues. But there is only one area that I have "SEI" other than my weight and that is my nose.
I have this humongoid Sicilian nose. On some Mediterraneans this looks great. Greek Gods, Roman Noses, the typical assumption of most Italian/Mediterranean culture is slinky sexy bodies in togas and a prominent nose.
On short frumpy white me, it's not so purty! hahaha
So I've decided if I get plastic surgery EVER, EVER in my life it will be on my nose.

Oh, and I am super duper excited that it didn't snow. I do love this weather but in the event we could be without power, it kinda defeats the purpose of having the warmth indoors and cold outdoors.

P.S. I LOVE Brit's song Out from Under. And the video for Circus totally rocks! Go watch it. Like NOW--------> Britney Circus Video Madonna-esque and I think it is so funny that Britney is putting on her OWN brand of perfume at the beginning. Oh, I from the side view I think it's plain and clear that Brit-Brit has NOT had a boob job...I mean hell...wouldn't YOU have gotten them bigger if you were her??? Ha!
That is all. =D Have a groovy day peeps!

Stupid Automobiles.

My car has been broke down since my birthday. So I'm going to put the money to another vehicle instead of fixing mine right now. Then when I get it fixed later, I'll have 2 perfectly good cars to trade in for something better than both. Ha! Take that intake, head gasket, water pump, and fuel injector! TAKE THAT!

Soooo...my sister just got a Saturn Vue for her birthday and is selling her Durango and I'm going to buy it. Yay for me, gettin' a bigger vehicle! FINALLY! This is a plus.

I still think chevy's are el stupido!

More truth than Poetry...

SCHOOL -- 1958 vs. 2008

Scenario : Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lotwith shotgun in gun rack.
1958 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes tohis car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2008 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off tojail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in fortraumatized students and teachers.

Scenario : Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1958 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and endup buddies.
2008 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark.Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario : Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1958 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by thePrincipal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2008 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Testedfor ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has adisability.

Scenario : Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him awhipping with his belt.
1958 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes tocollege, and becomes a successful businessman.
2008 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed tofoster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sisterthat she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario : Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1958 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2008 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario : Pedro fails high school English.
1958 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2008 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appearnationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement forgraduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against stateschool system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from corecurriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for aliving because he cannot speak English.

Scenario : Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them ina model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1958 - Ants die.
2008 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged withdomestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed fromhome, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch listand is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario : Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1958 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2008 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny under goes 5 years of therapy

2 and a half What?

I absolutely adore the show 2 And A Half Men. Charlie Sheen has always been a Celebrity Crush of mine and I've always found Jon Cryer to be hilarious and this makes him kind of attractive to me. (Think 1987's Hiding Out. I still get a warm mushy smile thinking about the skating-rink scene with him and Annabeth Gish. How did such a retarded excuse for a high school nerd get so friggin' popular his 2nd time around?? I mean, who the heck cares that he's like 30 and marked for death!?! "Maxwell Houser was cooler than penguin sh*t!" And I'm quoting on that line!)

Anyways, I started watching 2 Men when it started in '03 and have been hooked since. It's constantly got me laughing and the antics are quite comical (duh). What cracks me up even more is that in some weird insane form, I am obsessed with the character Rose aka "Charlie's Stalker" played by Melanie Lynskey. She is awesome at playing the innocent girl next door/one night stand/psychotic stalker/devious wannabe girlfriend. I think I wannabe her...but it would be weird. I'd have to have an ulterior motive in everything I said or did...but in real life, it's just not that funny. Or attractive. Hmmm. If you look at her profile, she was in quite a few movies that I wasn't aware she was even in such as Ever After, Coyote Ugly, Sweet Home Alabama ("Think OMG! Lurlynn! You've got a baby...in a BAR!..." with her prompt response of "Yeah, this one's still on the tit." Ha! Does this count as promoting breastfeeding on my blog?!), and a few others.

Ok so that's my thoughts for the moment. I think you should watch if you don't already.

Cake Cake Cake

Remember this???

So I spent 8 to 10 hours on a friggin' cake and now fully understand the price tags on cakes from local (good) bakeries. I pulled the cake off but will now chuck this experience up to learning from my mistakes so that next time, perfection is attainable:

Lesson #1:
When a recipe calls for 8in X 8 in square baking pans, they really mean SQUARE. Don't use pyrex. It has rounded edges. Damn my shoulder shrug. "I don't need new baking pans, I have them" was seriously kicking myself in the pants as soon as I took cakes out, began plastering them together, only to realize 2nd tier up that the edges are ROUNDED and I can't take them apart to cut the rounded edges off because the icing plaster had already dried & adhered the cake pieces together.

Lesson #2:
No matter how many hours you Crumb Freeze & Ice, Crumb Freeze & Ice...if you are using any color icing other than Chocolate, a Chocolate cake will ALWAYS show/crumb through. Thank you howdini.com for adding that tidbit of information. (Insert rude hand gesture here with a polite smile.)

Lesson #3:
Kick everyone out of the kitchen. Immediately.

Other than that, it was a pretty good cake! It wasn't HORRIBLE but it was unsightly if you got to close to it. Seen Clueless? Just think "Monet". Yeah. Pics soon. I promise.

Vodka in a bottle...

Tia's bday dinner was great last night and it was really nice not to have to take the children. The location got moved, but it was a nicer place and I met some people that I can actually carry on an intelligent conversation with and not feel like I'm a know it all! That was actually really nice. Normally when I meet new people I keep my mouth shut for the first couple of dinners/meetings because I can come off as a know it all. When this happens they normally tell our mutual friends that I seemed snobbish. This is far from the case. I'm the least snobbish person I know...I just try to hard to keep.it.shut. for their sake even! LOL Anyways, the drink of the day was a Cosmopolitan. Personally, I've never had one. Secretly, I always wanted to try one because I have many acquaintainces that enjoy them on more than a few occasions and of course, I am in love with Sex and the City and that's like their signature drink, hello! (They are making ANOTHER movie! Sequels ROCK!)

Anyways, it was 1/2 off because it was the drink of the day. Now, I am unsure if this is just how Cosmos are made --or if Tia's sister who was Manager this particular night just decided to splash a few extra ounces of Vodka in my glass-- but this drink had me tipsy by my 2nd sip. 2nd SIP!!! SERIOUSLY. I was like WHAT??? Not even 8 ounces of Tequila has me this tipsy! Sheez! Either way, it was a kick ass drink and I shall learn how to make it at home like I have done with every other type of drink I try & like.

So there I'm sitting...28 years old...Cosmo in hand...answering questions about Olivia's Implants and how they work...having a conversation about the difference between speech therapy & speech language therapy...and my head the whole time is like WOW. That's A.LOT. of VODKA! I think I even said that once or twice? Hmmm. Out much Joy? Drink much, Joy??? Not.

I have plans for the rest of today. They include THIS:




How to make a castle cake

(Yes, I am making Natalie's Bday cake. I shall let you know in picturesque form, how this worked out.)

So what are you all doing tonight!?

I has

the new Brit-Brit CD. Yes, tis true! Brit-Brit rocks! I love this CD! It's already uploaded to my iPod & on RE.PEAT!

So found this SITE while googling ideas for Natalie's cake. Go check it. But not while you're at work because your laugh-o-meter will go into the red and then when boss hears you, trouble may insue.

Also found this SITE from my girl Maddie C. Funny stuff. People are insane and stupid at the same time...was this common knowledge and I've been behind the times? Sheez.

So this AM I looked into Livi's backpack to get out her homework to double check it AGAIN before going to school. There was this flyer in there for a Parent's Night Out. I was so totally suprised. 4 hours of care for my child children at no charge? GREAT! I always have my kids and rarely trust anyone with them other than the few that I allow once in a while. Now I can go to Tia's Bday Dinner without kids! Yay!!!!!!!!

Natalie's bday party is Sunday Where a Kid Can be a Kid. Whooptie Doo! =( I hate that place. Overrated & Overpriced. Pics coming soon. Promise.

Happy Birthday Natalie! (Bday was Dec. 1st)
and Happy Birthday Tia!!! Woot Woot...1 more year til ur of drinkin' age! hahahahaha!