In My 20's...Pt. 12: "Leadership & Connections"

LEADERSHIP & CONNECTIONS

(with my employees are linked)

I have continually struggled with how to maintain my own identity while assimilating into a team. The solution to this situation, I found, was quite simple: You don't maintain it.

I learned that part of who I am, if I want to be an effective business leader, is realizing that I have to care about my teammates/employees more than myself. (This was especially hard for me, considering that I have only recently learned how to put people on the backburner and care about myself more than others because I'd spent my entire life putting everyone else before me.)

Yes, I risk being assimilated and losing my newfound “tough and independent” identity. The thing is that if it happens, it only happens for a fraction of a second and no one except for my even sees it! If the care and compassion I show for my employees is genuine, I realize that I come out on the other side the exact same person. Only this time people are willing to follow ME!! (Hence, a previous post referring to my success.)

Sometimes I am scared that I will be a permanent fixture on the backburner, but I just remind myself that I am the one in charge. I am the one calling the shots. I am the only one that could forget me. Somehow, knowing that the buck stops with me is thrilling, scary, exciting, and overwhelming all at the same time!

I have come to the realization that I don't have to lose who I have become just because I am a businesswoman. If anything, who I am inside of my business should enhance who I am in my personal life and vice-versa!

Wow, I didn't realize how much I have learned! I hope this has helped anyone else reading it, because I know that after reading this through, and the previous 2 posts, I have amazed myself with the knowledge that I have written in them! If I were reading these in passing, I'd have never thought I could write something so profound!

Guess this is just one more reason of why I am so awesome! =]

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was great. I had some friends over, as well as Garland, Olivia, & Natalie. I'm already taking new recipes and thinking I'll probably keep them until Christmas. Yay!

I made EVERYTHING. I had SO MUCH FUN! It's great being "The Cook" as well as "A Cook" and people knowing that I have the ability to cook and wanting to eat what I have made makes me feel special. Seriously.

This is what was on the menu (everything was from scratch!):

1. Turkey. (Good heavens it was juicyyyyyyy)
2. Ham. (Deliciously juicy, w/ cherries & pineapples and glazed to perfection.)
3. Green Bean Casserole. (My favorite side dish.)
4. Cranberry Sauce. (While I am not a fan of cranberries nor cranberry sauce, this is one dish that will be used traditionally. It was heaven!)
5. Garlic Basil Mashed Potatoes
6. Gravy
7. Stuffing. (The turkey was stuffed, and I made 1 side.)
8. Flaky Biscuits
9. Squash & Zucchini
10. Sweet Potato Pie. (I made 4 of these, 2 regular, 2 bourbon spiced.)
11. Pumpkin Pie. (I made 2 of these.)
12. Apple Pie. (For the kids.)

What I am Thankful for:

1. Family
2. Friends
3. Health
4. Limbs on my body work, no matter how much I don't use them.
5. My business
6. Roof over my head. Food in my stomach.
7. My kids. Where would I be without them? Probably at the bar! hahaha
8. My intuition.
9. Electricity. Without it, I'd be in the dark. Seriously.
10. Love.
    

27....is "eh"

No better than last, no worse than what lies ahead. 27 came and went like any other day. We went out to eat at Olive Garden with some friends. Garland got me some make up from Lancome, and some perfume, too. Hot Couture & Hypnose. I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE them all!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In My 20's...Pt. 11: "Inter-Dependence"

INTERDEPENDENCE

Let's break it down.

Dependence- the state of relying on or needing someone or something for aid, support, or the like. The state of being determined, influenced, or controlled by something else.

Independence-

1. not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself: an independent thinker.

2. not subject to another's authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free: an independent businessman.

3. not influenced by the thought or action of others: independent research.

4. not dependent; not depending or contingent upon something else for existence, operation, etc.

5. not relying on another or others for aid or support.

6. rejecting others' aid or support; refusing to be under obligation to others.

Interdependence- the act of being mutually dependent; depending on each other.

I learned that complete dependency on someone is not healthy. You should never find yourself in or through someone else. Never give someone so much precedence over your life that you can no longer find yourself when you look in the mirror.

I also learned that being completely independent isn't exactly the best place to be either. It creates pride, petulance, the notion that you are "better" than everyone else, etc.

DO NOT misinterpret me. Independence is GREAT!!! But if you break down the best definition of the word, you'd quickly realize that NO ONE is independent. It is in that revelation that you quickly find that inter-dependence is not only a good thing, it’s a smart thing.

You can be an independent thinker. You can be an independent woman. But the things around you create that independency. We can't all be independent of authority. Maybe in our personal lives, but in our work lives, in our relationships, in our familial responsibilities, authority isn't something we can be independent of. Most of the time, we ARE the authority.

In a lot of cases, we can't be independent because we have so many people in our lives dependent on us, and we have an obligation to them (such as bosses, children, spouses, friends, family) and that is when your inter-dependence shows. When we realize without angst that we depend just as much on all of those people that depend on us, we are a healthy people! That is the exact definition of interdependence!

It should be everyone's goal to become inter-dependent! What a great respect it is to be able to be independent, but know that when the chips are down, you have enough smarts and less pride to be able to ask for help. Knowing when and how to ask for help when you need it is the key to becoming interdependent. Knowing when to set aside pride is another key. Knowing when it's time to help someone else in their time of need, whether they break down and ask, or won't ask, due to pride or embarrassment, is also a key of inter-dependence. You are also setting a great example to that person who is pushing the line of inter-dependence!

Examples of those NOT inter-dependent:

In My 20's...Pt. 10: "Acceptance"

ACCEPTANCE

I learned to accept the things I cannot change and to change the things that could.

When my ex husband decided I was a punching bag, I finally accepted that he wouldn't change and I left.

When my daughter was diagnosed profoundly deaf and there was no explanation of why or how, I had to come to accept that there would be no reason or answer to that nagging question and I had to move on to doing what was best for her, and stop obsessing about what caused her to be that way.

I came to the realization that I could either enjoy life, or drive myself crazy. If I were to worry about the if's, how's, or why's of everything I couldn't change that I came across, I'd be one psychotic lady. And my life would be one screwy mess!

Coming to accept things is a lot harder than it seems. Some things you would rather not admit to, rather not see, rather not deal with. There were tons of things I didn't want to see, but I knew that if I didn't change them, there would be nothing left for myself and my children. We'd be cheated out of what we deserved.

My children do not do without. I have more now than I ever thought I would have for myself and for my kids. If I had chose to NOT accept the reality of the situations I had faced I would...

• Be in a crappy relationship IF I was still alive. I'd be unhappy and my children would probably not be as happy & smart as they are today.

and

• My daughter wouldn't be able to hear. She'd never have had the surgeries for the implants and she'd have no hearing, no speech, and no way to insert herself normally in our world.

Acceptance matters more than people think.

So I challenge you to make a list of the things you don't want to admit to about yourself, your relationships, your work, anything that you are unhappy about. Accept the reality of your situations. Then start changing it for YOUR better tomorrow.

Remember, change and gain were never promised to come without loss or pain.

Little Adventure

Over the weekend, we went to Springfield, Arkansas. I'm southern to the core [Southern BELLE, mind you], and love to see the leaves turn all the beautiful colors in the Fall. It is my favorite time of year. So that set the pace for this little adventure. We also stopped by Devil's Den, drove to Fort Smith where we ate at "The LightHouse" which is an excellent seafood place that sits on the Arkansas River, we found a hotel to spend the night, and then on to Lake Tenkiller the next day.

It was a little nippy outside but it was beautiful. I didn't know i was such an awesome picture taker of nature! =] Here are a few:

It was a nice little trip. I loved the fall leaves and the pictures were breathtaking, if I do say so myself!

SOPHIA GRACE!

Baby So-So!

1 Year Old!
2 Years Old!

Sophia Grace is 2 today!!!

Happy Birthday Lil' Neice! I hope your day was great!

Isn't she a doll? My sister made that cake herself!! WTG, Rachel!!!!

In My 20's...Pt. 9: "Lessons Learned"

Throughout my 20's, I have learned a lot of things. There are, a few things that really made a difference for me. If I hadn't learned those things, I wouldn't be where I am now.

I am going to label the 3 most important things I learned in this post, and in the next 3 "In My 20's", I will elaborate on each one.

1. Acceptance
2. Inter-dependence
3. Leadership & Connections

Accepting the things I cannot change. Changing the things I can. Yes, it is more than just an old adage.

Inter-dependence is where very few are, but everyone should be.

Maintaining my own self image while breaking down to be at level with those that I employ.

Stay tuned...