Maybe you knew...

Bits & Pieces:

The end of the summer I was 16, my dad came home and said "God said we're going to Oklahoma. So I can go to Rhema!" This was a Friday and on the following Tuesday we were in good ol' OK.

I'll admit I was mad. I was pissed. I didn't get to tell my friends goodbye. I didn't even get to tell them I was moving. What made it even worse was in Georgia, I still had a month and 1 week left of summer and in OK, they'd been in school for a month already. I didn't really want to move to a new school and meet new people who already had their own cliques or things going on. It was so embarassing for me to get enrolled into high school and my first class is 2nd period and when I walk in EVERYONE looks up and stares at me because they'd just taken a test on Beowulf or were taking a test on it and I interrupted their train of thought. (Not to mention, the HS I went to wasn't seriously up to par. For all of you who graduated there that read this, I am by no means trying to be rude. I'm just saying, everything I did with you guys in 11th & 12th grade, I did in 9th & 10th at my old school.) I transferred from a very good solid Comprehensive High School where I was taking college classes in 9th & 10th grade and then I went to _____ and was like what the hey!?! ANYYYYYways...

Fastforward a few years and I meet this guy. I thought he was great. Turned out not so much. A few black eyes and an earload of emotional & verbal abuse later, I found myself with a disabled child and pregnant again with the lowest self esteem on the planet. As if it wasn't low enough before I met him. I should have thought I was worth leaving him, but didn't think that highly of myself then and it took him hurting my oldest daughter before I left for the FINAL time and stayed gone. A few Protective Orders & DVIS Therapy Sessions later, I was ready to move on.

I learned how to become independent as opposed to dependent and mousy. I learned how to become assertive and somewhere down the line I lumped assertiveness and aggressiveness into the same category and had to retrain myself to diffrentiate between the two. This is still hard for me to do in some areas because I'd rather rip someone a new one before they get the chance to do it to me. But that's another issue set for another post on another day.

I tell you this because it's why I've been in this off & numb mood (FB Statuses hide NOTHING I tell ya!) because he's now split with his girlfriend and some choices he made while with her affected myself & the girls (he doesn't know this, I'd prefer to keep it that way) and it's extremely frustrating to know that I have not spoken to him since 03 nor had anything to do with him and decisions he make still affect my family. This doesn't just frustrate me, it pisses me off. I thought I was done with him. I've moved on from him. He doesn't want anything to do with the girls, this is already known...so why do his decisions still affect us? It drives me crazy.

It was nice, pretending that he didn't exist anymore. It was nice pretending that I never knew him/was married to him/had children with him. It was nice...for a while. But reality is definitely the horse of a different color.

That's all the flood of memories I can handle for today. It's actually all I can post here because the rest is related to some people who read this blog and dissention is not my motive for blogging.