Kinda long...But Change is Good...RIGHT?

There have been so many changes in me the past few weeks, I don't even know where to begin. I really fully believe that I can possibly really do this this time. Those of you that know me, know what a struggle I've had with my weight, and the many diets that I went on that worked for awhile but something would always happen that I would allow to mess up my goal.

I refuse to be inappropriate in my blog here because of the sensitivity of the issue, so I'll just be rather broad in the next paragraph and if you wanna know, you can ask & I'll elaborate and if you don't then that's fine too! =D

All.my.life.I have struggled with being FAT. An overeating disorder that has plagued me since childhood. I stuffed my face when I was hungry, I stuffed my face when I was sad, I stuffed my face when I was angry...well...you get the picture I'm trying to paint for you here. I stuffed.everything. My problems always seemed SO BIG, and now they seem so very very small. My problems then compared to now are nonexistent and infantile, so why did they seem like they were consumming my world?

Pastor George said something this weekend that really hit home with me: "Overcoming your past begins with attitude. Even your innocence to past wrongs will not free you to prosper & overcome them. Only your attitude can do that."

That really got me to think. I do get upset and sometimes I can't bear some things because it reminds me of my past, of my childhood. With the "right" song, phrase, even a movie, I'm automatically transported back in time to some faraway place where the pieces of my heart and spirit have lain broken and bleeding along this track labeled "Joy's Life." But maybe if I just change my attitude about it, maybe then I can finally overcome it. Maybe if I just said FORGET IT, I don't care, it has no hold on me. Maybe if I just fight for the freedom of my mind, I can be at peace with the skeletons & ghouls from my past. Easier said than done, I know that.

What a wake up call that was. I consistently find the sermons he's been giving relatable in some way lately and this one really was the icing on the cake. I knew he was talking.to.ME. Little insignificant me. I mean, there are days that I feel that way, and think wow, I never really mattered much before and why should I matter now? I also know that I'm not really that insignificant but you get the point.

The point is, CHANGES have been happening. And these changes are all over the place:

Change in diet.
Change in mind.
Change in heart.
Change in weight.
Change in attitude.
Change in perspective.

Now I'm rambling so I'll close for now, but if I pick up the *pen* later to write more, I know you won't mind.